i think the last time it really felt like christmas was when i was in elementary school. those were times when i was actually excited to get up early to open gifts with my brother. the memories of us guessing what was hidden underneath the nicely wrapped christmas paper nights before the actual christmas day was really joyful. those were the christmas years that belonged to us and us only. christmas never actually got better after that. but what always happens, happens. life goes on. it's not all that depressing. i'm going hiking tomorrow.