finally back in Amurica.
jetlagged.

            "The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”

-Saint Augustine 

i currently have my iphone 4s in the freezer because the wifi screen grayed out.

Goodbye America

Current status: Starbucks. The usual two minute walk to get my grande iced coffee with soy milk and hazelnut syrup. This must be the 50th post or more with this same order. I've stopped ordering hot drinks for awhile at Starbucks for some reason. I used to go days straight with a tall soy latte.

I have one more summary analysis to do and my final project plan to revise, which could potentially take the entire day.

I need to get to the library to print out labels for the suitcase, supply box, and my carry-on. I also need to get clear tape from somewhere, anywhere.

I cannot believe I am getting on the plane tonight.

Well tomorrow, but tonight. 1 am Friday, if that makes sense.

I am actually going to be leaving America.

I never thought this day would come, but it did. So I'm really glad. It's been a really meaningful three weeks online course. I am ready to spend the next three weeks on-site teaching art.

Nothing and no one's stopping me from anything.

I will be bringing my instawide polaroid, canon ae-1 film camera, and a regular digital camera. 

I hope the film develops after my trip this time. the second roll i tried turned completely blank.

okay take care, everybody.

getting started at starbucks with the usual grande iced coffee with soy milk and hazelnut syrup this morning. pest control session #2 currently ongoing.

today, i managed to squeeze in time to watch fault in our stars at a nearby theater.
i have to say what i've always thought. movie before book.
my theory is that it's not that the "movie is never as good," but rather the opposite. the movie is always in some ways, better for me because i like to visualize actual scenes on the screen.
when i watch movies, i want to watch them without knowing exactly step-by-step what is going to happen next.
i rather watch movies with oblivion, and then read the details after and feel more satisfied.

readings after readings

summaries after summaries

discussions after discussions

the trip is in three days. 

5:52 is when the bus comes. I was going to bike to school, but then I realized how sweaty I got this morning from biking to Target. I want to avoid triple showers per day.

I just had two icy cold pomegranate flavored popsicles. Tonight, I'm going to pick up some Lime ones... It's been a rather long day, as usual. I can't wait to leave this complex, as I continue to dread each morning I wake up and each night I try to sleep.

I just saw another medium-sized cockroach in the utensils drawer this afternoon. After laying out some of the cutting boards and pans out, I decided to put it all away and not cook after what I saw. So I walked across the street to get Chipotle yet again, for the millionth time.

I also did laundry and took the last five pictures for my current film roll.

Maybe I will develop them tomorrow if I make time.

Tonight, I'll be meeting with the class to pack supplies for the trip.
Tomorrow morning, I will have to meet up with my individual group to make some practice projects before we do them during the trip.

I just want to get out so badly. I'm trying really hard to be happy everyday, but I just might not reach that place until I am fully out of here.

Thanks,
Jane

It's been a rather tough week. The Cambodia online class is quite a heavyload. The trip is next week! I'm trying my best to think of happy thoughts...

Surely, yesterday I saw another baby cockroach crawl from one empty cabinet to the next, even after the pest control spray got done.. But what do I expect from them?

I'm going to revise my Yelp review one last time after the whole lease is over. I'm not trying to be anonymous about it, but rather tell the truth.

I've pretty much packed up my gatherings, leaving four blank walls around me. I'm ready to go once I get back from the trip plus an extra three weeks.

the more i think about it, the more i want to move out this very minute. everytime i close my eyes, i see a golden/brown, or near black cockroach with antennas. what a nightmare.

I'm not afraid to speak up anymore. I may still shake and tremble upon my words, but I am facing my fears everyday of confrontation. I did not take on the Communications major for no reason, even if I didn't end up pursuing it.

This morning, the management of my complex called saying that she saw my Yelp review. She sounded frustrated in an undertone, but professional and calm on the overtone.

I was about to go in the office this morning to tell them calmly about my exaggerated Yelp review from last night. But that wasn't until I saw a cockroach on my ceiling in my room. I have never seen a cockroach in my room before. Only in the kitchen and bathroom. Disgusting enough, I didn't even try planning out what I wanted to say to them anymore. I stormed out of the door and walked in a panic-attack manner. I bursted through the office door shaking and what not. I built up the nerves to tell them right away that I was there to a. turn in the rent and utility checks and b. I was the one who wrote the Yelp review.

Things are 50/50 resolved. Words are just words until action is put upon. I have a little less than three months left. I revised my Yelp review into a cleaner, nicer version of how I feel after the face-to-face encounter and approach.

first roll of film developed!

first time starting summer in long beach.

another semester earned with my blood, sweat, and tears.

day 4 back: watched this movie today at the cinearts theater alone.

i really liked it.

i'm so conservative, actually.

keep calm and make on.

casual monday.

no one to blame, but myself.
ceramics was such a beautiful thing to me. but now, it's not.
i don't want to specialize in it anymore anytime soon.

just maybe two more paragraphs left and then i can breathe.
and edit later.

seven pages, but seven pages full of a body of 10 works from modernism to postmodernism and all the movements and techniques mentioned in between....

can't wait to put away all my textbooks and return my library books.
hopefully my ceramics work is out of the firing by now. i need to get it pre-set up tonight.
hip hip hooray. so close to freedom.

truthfully, it has been kind of a laid back week for finals.
i just have one more history paper to write that i still haven't started. still trying together information in my head.
i busted all my energy, time, and effort through the entire semester, however.
so i'm not being lazy. i worked for this. and i believe it.

plans:

1. earn a teaching credential
2. earn a teaching english abroad certificate
3. get a job
4. travel somewhere before i am 25.
5. save money to stay in a cabin for at least two nights.

i went swimming just a couple of hours ago.
then i saw my old neighbor and friend, sara. (her name is pronounced sar-ah)
we talked by the pool for awhile and caught up.
i sat backwards on the pool chair. it felt relaxing.
the sky was a blank blue canvas.
then i came back up and made dinner.
i talked to my roommate and her friend for awhile.
i showered.
made coffee to have iced coffee tomorrow.
made mango black tea to have iced mango black tea tomorrow.
put trash by the door.
going to start last history paper now.
going to the store later to restock on toilet paper and paper towels.
i may do laundry.

it's god damn hot.

made mango black tea last night and put it in the fridge all day, all night.

it's iced tea this morning with a spoon of agave.

10 pages classicism
art theory paper done

one more history paper to go...

not going to school is nice.

my left eye has been burning like no other all morning. i can't even think about putting on my contacts. i have no food in the fridge. i can barely open my eyes to look at the screen, but i feel the need to type this.

thinking about living in san francisco in two years.
thinking about single subject credential...

today:

1. lesson plan to edit and send back to my partner, camille.
2. finish painting my dog for ceramics and extra pinch pots.
3. clear glaze all last ceramics pots.
4. put label to prepare for firing.
5. last touches on the halter romper for fibers.
6. really start writing classicism paper.
7. breathe.


i had a bowl of half honey oats and apple jacks with unsweetened almond milk this morning. juan and i are on a girls (hbo) marathon. my favorite show....

edit: i did all of the above + a 30 minute jacuzzi session

successful weekend in conclusion.
tons of exhaustion.
gonna continue my paper now.
so close to being done. so close.
all my energy is soaked up and now i am shriveled up and dry as can be.

currently: cooking drumsticks in the oven at 185 degrees.

set for 35 minutes.

this morning/afternoon:

talked to roommate

ate two waffles with agave syrup/ maple sugar cinnamon oatmeal

two loads of laundry

thought about swimming

have been wearing swimsuit all morning

cleaned room

set two large bags aside for donation

one bag for selling/trading

prepared quinoa

drank tea/iced mocha soy coffee

now starting classicism paper

yesterday, i had yet another rough day. i got so irritated with simultaneously sewing and seam ripping my halter top that i got so furious and teary all at once for a split second. after, i stopped by the convenience store to grab a mrs.fields cookie-ice-cream-sandwich hoping to eat my worries away. that never really works for me. so i headed to the ceramics room to work on my project some more. after six more extra hours, i found myself walking back upstairs to the fiber room. by 10:00 pm, i just climbed on top of the table and laid flat on my back, dreading away my powerless sense of numbness to my surroundings and self in silence. there, i met vanessa. she was on the other table across from mine, sewing the fabric lining for her own graduation cap. she asked me, "what's wrong?" i told her all that i could in that sudden moment. she then provided me with the best and encouraging pep talk that i have not gotten in awhile. she ended with, "otherwise, jane, will die, and jane will die quickly. so your first step: engage."

 last night, i went home, cried, and cried some more. then i fell asleep. i woke up this morning and told myself i am not fucking going to school to work on ceramics or fibers today. i am giving myself a god damn break. i need to believe that i deserve it. i am not going to think that i am the underdog anymore. instead of letting people and myself make me feel small, i am going to look for people who make me feel larger.

krauss reading-done

had a 15 hour school day today. fibers is so worth it. i want to learn more! i want to take workshops! this summer, i'm going to try to dye and sew my own clothes. i'm going to invest in a sewing machine and start my own amateur workshop for myself. i've been rather slow with ceramics these last two weeks. fibers is just taking up all my time. we're supposed to sew and dye our own wearable piece, and as a beginner, it soaks up every bit of my energy. but luckily, i have my good friend, susie, to help me. susie came, and has been coming, to my rescue. it's the last week of classes, and finals are happening next week. i'm not sure if i'm mentally/physically prepared for this. but i am going to get through with it.

also, i've been hitting the gym each day. one mile per day can go a long way. baby steps again.

trying to stay positive,

jane

socal weather is so misleading and confusing. i want to go home already.

currently watching: wasteland documentary

_______________________________________________

about two weeks (or rather 13 days) left of school.

i need to go cliff diving, kayaking, and hiking.
the cambodia trip is coming up so soon. i can't even think about being excited to plan for it when finals haven't even happened yet.

i still have two analysis papers, one classicism paper, ah final paper, my long romper to sew and dye for fibers, and family portrait project for ceramics. let this semester be done with already.

please, let my summer be amazing for once. i swear, i've been working incredibly hard. it's all burning me out. i want to do something new outside of my realms. it doesn't matter what.

honey nut toasted oats.

rules of feminism.

trying to be more optimistic today. i got a new journal and finished the illustration i've been working on for myself. now, back to school serious.

i just want to read what i want to read, draw what i want to draw, make what i want to make, and do what i want to do. actually, no one is stopping me. i'm stopping me.

just wanna get out.

looking for a studio of my own.

the days go by.

i'm going to create mixed media illustrations.

this is a joke, right?

hi,

time is cutting close. these starbucks tables are too tall for a (lap)top. i ordered a tall soy iced coffee with the classic coffee cake. i have a load of work to finish for my art aesthetics class. right when you think you are on top of a game, one game, any game, you are put down with more games. that sounds lame, but that is the truth. why do schools make requirements such a pain? i'm in the midst of trying to find a studio or so, finish final projects, papers, travel to a different country, and attend a summer school session. it's my own doing for taking on all this, and it is quite bittersweet. more on the pro side, i suppose. but negative effects will stay itself.

this may not be the place for me to rant and pour all of my exhausted energy out. but unforuntately, i can't afford a moleskin to write in right now. or rather, don't want to spend 20 bucks to get one in the spur of a moment, or wait for amazon to ship me a phony one with logos i don't want.

actually no, i'm going to buy one today. i also need to get a stuffed bunny and cut it up so i could use it for my ceramics display tomororw.

talk about a fickle mind. i am going to get my stuff done.

-jane

i was at school for 16 hours today. that's not really a surprise, except today i worked straight. i lived off a turkey cranberry sandwich, some fritos, a medium cup of vanilla coffee, a chocolate chip and peanut butter cliff barn, and a cup of vegetable noodles. i am so exhausted. i'm not sure if i was that hydrated today. i was really focused in fibers. i was in there for 10 straight hours. if it weren't for my friend susie, i would have not gotten my sewing project done. the project was to make a 12x16 pillowcase cover. there were so many problems throughout the process. but this is why i say process to progress. hard work comes from effort, focus, and determination. the underdog has risen tonight. i finished my pillowcase, stuffed the pillow in there, and took it home with care, just so i could bring it back on wednesday for the critique. it is colorful, is the right size, has appliques on there, and is sewn. i did everything i could today.

tomorrow morning, or should i say today, i have to do a late reading, analysis paper, make my Plato philosopher doll (3 of them), think about the four questions to answer to for my aesthetics class, type those long answers out, and attend my 4-10 pm classes. when i get home after 10 pm, i am going to paint the last pot, so i could get ready for my ceramics critique, also on wednesday.

life rarely gives anyone a break.

i saw a damn cockroach this morning and the cat was playing with it. i'm sick and tired of this place i am living in.

backtrack: i had the a really wonderful easter with juan's family. i met the rest of his family, and it was really nice. i drew with chalk, helped out with the egg hunt, cracked confetti eggs on heads, ate food, mingled, laughed, colored in a coloring book, watched some baseball, and a whole lot more. i was so exhausted by the end of yesterday night that i knocked out like a baby.

two years ago, i turned vegan on easter. tomorrow is easter again. but i am not vegan anymore. it hit me that i am actually going to a different country this summer with about 11 other students. the chances of vegan-friendly foods being offered may be rare. but the chances of finding exotic foods will be a different story. and that is just plain exciting, isn't it? i was raised to appreciate, respect, and observe diferent cultures in the world. as i continue to pursue my cultural anthropology minor, this trip will serve as an important life experience and opportunity to learn and understand just what and how cambodia's culture itself is structured-through the processes of socialization and enculturation. i'm taking field notes.

but rewinding, since christmas time, i have been practicing eating almost everything again, including meat and dairy. i have been adding just chicken and fish back into my diet. i also have been allowing myself to have products that have dairy in it for dessert, such as ice cream, cookies, cakes, the usual, etc. i believe those unexpected, dark-looking bruises on my neck have gradually disappeared over the last few months due to the switch back. my overall weight has somewhat remained within the similar range. so in whole, i am happier in some aspects. but most days, i am drained, inspired/uninspired, and moody. this is not due to the diet, but due to the my work ethics. i'm working hard and trying my best everyday. though sometimes, it's not all worth it. college was and is still very different from what i imagined. i rather be doing things that are not required or assigned. i find myself blending school work and social life into one, day after day, and it hardly ever works out. i just trick myself into believing that it always does. i realized that the only good year is your first year in college. this is not to say that everyday has been bad. there were ups and downs.

-jane

i finished my Nietzsche analysis. Another six pages not down the drain, but in the appropriate box in dropbox. this leaves me half an hour left before i have to attend six hours of class. that's still something.

10-page museum paper-done.

I wish I could spend the rest of the three hours before class resting and cleaning my messy room. I mean, my suitcase is actually still on the floor from two weeks ago.

No, I have to read Nietzche for aesthetics and do another paper.

i just want to snuggle my feet under my warm blanket even though the weather site says it is currently 84 degrees outside. for once, it feels 20 degrees less in my room. just had my fake cap'n crunch (safeway/von's brand) and i have to get dressed and what not in the next few minutes. i am not catching the early bus today. too stressful. i couldn't sleep until 3 am for a good reason though. i really want to go back to norcal at this moment and every moment. just want to be done with school. school excites and bores me simultaneously. i hate when you love something so much and then you eat it/ do it so much that you start to lose your crave for it. then you stop and try again, and it never tastes/feels the same. i love my school. i love my school. i love my school.

today was not too shabby. i just got back from the fibers studio not too long ago and saved time for a not-too-late-dinner. i was able to paint half the pillowcase this late afternoon with the mixed fiber reactive dyes. again, i'm going for a children-like theme. i want to create my own children book someday. i was able to get half a leg of the kid robot figure i am working on in ceramics yesterday night. i just have to focus on turning in my aesthetics paper in tonight on time, on a sunday, for once. i really just want to turn netflix on and watch away. but i don't even know when that could actually happen with ease. so i'm burning my wooden walk candle again for the night. monday will come soon.

wish i got to see fred armisen tonight. big fan. hello. no money, no car. just art work.

i'm trying to use my phone less. i was never bad at doing that, really. the school year is coming to an end and this summer will put a dramatic impact on my entire life. i'm a bit afraid to be so heartbroken, but i know i will face my all with nothing but open arms.

maybe it's time to start a new blog. i'm not sure yet. i always want to start new but not forget the old. today, i got to pick some carrots from my backyard garden boxes and use them in my lunch time springrolls. the melancholy weather is beautiful as is. it just needs to rain once more today. i may start a polaroid journal/diary of my days. back to work i go.

Rainy days make me want to snuggle in bed and hide under my warm blankets.
i wish i could watch movies all day, but i have work to do, as usual.

are you a postmodernist?

i ended up getting an 87% on my midterm. really happy with where i am with it. but now i'm beyond behind with my art aesthetics class. i have six papers i haven't turned in.

ceramics is really pushing me to the limit especailly since i'm going home for spring break for a week. i don't regret buying my ticket. although i should have known that a full week back wouldn't be good for me, especailly with no studio up there.

i actually got a tall soy hazelnut house coffee and a warm slice of cinnamon coffee cake at starbucks. you know, i consume way too much coffee for my own good. i know that sounds so cliche, but it's true. and the ironic part is that it doesn't even wake me up. i just drink it because it tastes good any time of the day, especially in the early mornings and late nights. i am making somewhat good progress for my art history midterm. i am thinking about skipping my aesthetics class from 4-7. i could use that extra time to actually brainstorm for my jackson pollock essay. right now, i'm still working on notecards and understanding the images.

abstract expressionism
modernism
action painting
color-field
art informel
tachisme
gutai
fluxus
british pop art
poular culture, pop art, mass media, consumption, american culture
european modernism architecture
beat generation

oftentimes, i grow afraid of forgetting what i read. oftentimes, that is what happens. but sometimes, when i blog in increments and list what i remember, i end up listing most of what i read.

blogging helps.

side note:

flaws-bastille
always going to be a favorite song.

i actually just want to sleep.
i don't want to get out of bed.
i want a soy latte.

skipping my fiber studio class to study for my midterm, do laundry, eat, pull myself together and what not.

brand new monday

got to school extra early today
got the one and only blueberry donut
and a hazelnut coffee
sweetness, literally.
time to study for my art history midterm before my ceramics class starts.

finally got myself a new planner.
i think making lists can be good for some.
it's how i get on track.

i've been in and out of the ceramics studio this entire week, as i am every single week.
you know where to find me.
i'm determined to make this second project what i imagine it to be.

happy birthday to my mother

Mother was my greatest teacher

As she was the most beautiful literature of all.

Wise with knowledge and wisdom

Outspoken and hardworking

Home-cooked meals

Handpicked lettuce, hand-sliced onions

Homemade love

Everyday is a holiday when I think of Mother.

Let us celebrate this day with words of admiration.

Suddenly, age becomes another matter.

sometimes i do wish that the 400 level art history courses aren't three hours long. it's tiring.
i want to go home.
i've got some ideas for my second ceramics project. i need to go home now.

just finished my art history analysis homework two hours early for the first time.

the question is when am i not busy.
the artist should never be at rest.

the ceramics critique was a success. it was 20 minutes, not 10.

the fibers critique went decent. silk scarves are done with for now. the next time you look at a handmade scarf, don't assume it was tied and dyed only one time. rather, it may have been 15 times, literally.

when did we stop caring.

hello world.

this girl is still at school. it's been about four hours since my amateur elephant installation. it looks like a mammoth from the way i shaped the chicken wire for the animal's body. however. HOWEVER. it is complete. thank goodness for the reuse depot's endless fabric scraps. my indian elephant is looking more vibrant than ever. i know the critique is only ten minutes. but this is kind of a sculptural dive-in of what i want to work towards throughout my art career and life.

keeping my stance.

yes, it is a new day. i just wrote four pages for 1/3 of my analysis papers. that is a start.

i am going to finish tying and dyeing my four scarves today. i am going to make that elephant head and trunk out of wire.

i am going to install my entire mixed media sculptural ceramics piece outside in the open.

i'm also going to get a churro from the pow-wow native american festival.

we lost an hour, but that won't kill us.

sunday, workday.

keep the inspired,

jane

i can't remember the last time i went back to my apartment. and if i did, it was never for long.

don't we all just want to relax after a long day, long night.

i bought a modern vintage lamp at the salvation army today.

i also purchased tickets for my summer trip to cambodia this summer.

maybe things are better this way.

-jane

iced soy coffee at coffee bean

just wrote a note to my good friend, anh. now i'm going to write in my journal. i need to not be at school for awhile. at least for now. i can't wait to see my first project results in ceramics though! i'm not going to be able to install my piece in the gallery space because another class will be using it. i kind of figured. it's okay, i'll find another space in the ceramics department that will work. it'll all be okay.

meanwhile, here are some late-ish birthday photos.

excuse the backgrounds of these polaroids. my printer/scanner broke. 

places visited: 

los angeles: 

graffiti coffee, coffee+food, american apparel flea market, the last bookstore

pomona: 

burgerhouse (burgers and vanilla shakes), glasshouse venue 

chino hills: 

dripp (ice cream sandwiches)

when we don't make time for the things we could make time for

I looked at my fingernails today and realized damn, it has been long since I cut them. My fingernails had been poking at my clay leaving fingernail marks and getting in the way of just about everything. So Just now, I finally took five minutes to cut and file them. How hard was that? Why the hell did I wait this long.

learning to forgive time,

jane

all i want to do is get a cup of coffee, people watch, and stop thinking for once. but that just seems so hard to do because we never really ever stop thinking about stuff in general.

oh yeah, i just ordered a cheap coffee grinder on amazon. can't wait to buy coffee beans from our local coffeeshops. i also can't wait for my best friend, mo, to visit. hopefully by then, we can just drink good coffee/tea, be in the same record store at the same time, and just have fun in the same city. in general, we as a society get so caught up with what's happening out there that we don't have time to slow down and meet halfway. some things just require making time for.

hi anonymous readers,

tonight was a long night. i ended up spending about seven hours in the dye lab working on my acid dye silk scarves. it's most often the shibori techniques that drive most of us crazy. i mean, all that mapping out, ya know? i'm done thinking about color schemes and techniques right now, however. it's time for bed. i am getting up in a couple hours to bike to ceramics. i didn't get to glazing today, and they are due today. i gave up a few hours this morning to spend some time with my best friend, anne, who visited from santa barbara and my buddy, peter, from.. well, here, but 15 minutes away. i got this delicious blueberry acai bowl from our local bagelry and enjoyed it through our small chats, shared stories, and other catch ups.

this weekend was pretty amazing. i got so much work in wednesday- friday night, so i could prepare for my 21st birthday exploration day in l.a. with my two boys, john and juan. my favorite part was just spending time with them and.. live music at the glasshouse in pomona, the ice cream sandwiches, whimsical bookstore, and just about everything from the beginning of the day to the end of the night. beats the norm of being drunk and passing out. i have this thing where i like to make people feel really special on their birthdays, regardless if i know them because i think a birthday marks the most important day of someone's entire life each year (since i consider it like a holiday that happens once a year and that holiday is yours to own for a day). a friend once told me that you should be giving your mother birthday gifts on your birthday because she was the woman who brought your life into this world. ever since, i've found that thought so truly meaningful and considerate. so for the days leading up and on the day of my birthday, all i was really thinking about on the other side of my head was how much i loved my mother and how thankful i am for being brought into this world. all of a sudden, turning one year older was just another matter.

so many thanks,

jane

last few hours

before i turn 21.

currently in the ceramics room, trying to finish an art ed paper.
i made a mini dinosaur and continued working on my sheep+ dragon= sheagon today for ceramics.
i also set up the rust dye technique in the pouring rain today. rust dyeing apparently works best in this damp weather. i see why.

rainy day activities. of course a part of me wishes to be resting in my bed, sipping my instant hazelnut coffee, snuggling in my bed with my cozy socks on, putting a cheesy flick on, and getting ready for a full day tomorrow.

but until then, your girl's working hard.

-jane

challenge

defeat
desire
dare

here we go, past 12 am again.

it's the middle of the week already. what the heck?
i just want to cuddle, read, and listen to the rain.

one after another, pacing and racing

to finish another analysis paper, but for art history and not for my art ed aesthetics class. this paper's about andy warhol and how he is known as the "perfected machine." there goes so much beyond dadaism, pop art, end of the modern art stages, and the cultural, economic, and social influences on consumerism and where works of art get treated as commodity.

blow my mind up, will ya. i wish i didn't have to attend my 4-7 class. but morley, guest speaker, street artist, is coming in today. so how the hell am i supposed to pass this opportunity up. i'm not.

seems that each day, i keep wishing that i didn't have to go to class, but i end up going. because i do want to, and it's best if i go.

the usual. the norm. 

deadlines

And the deadline is over, but I am still going to turn in the last reading analysis sometime this week. I did three six-page papers in the last 48 hours. but really, it's been longer than that. All those days of reflecting, thinking, reflecting, thinking, reflecting, etc. have really summed up my last few weeks. I have let myself down and picked myself back up as corny as it sounds. Frankly, there are little to no shortcuts in life. So I do my best.

Making progress in increments,

Jane

what are our priorities

after a long night of little to no sleep, current ongoing headache, a few cups of grapefruit juice, and a tall soy latte with an extra shot of espresso from starbucks, i can at least say that the meter on a start to finish scale has moved a little bit. i'm getting really worn out from reading about aesthetics-how it works, what it is, the way aestheticians debate about what they think it really means, what an aesthetic experience is like or should be like, or if it should not be like anything, etc. etc. etc. etc.

i skipped my 9 am ceramics class this morning to finish this reading by iseminger. i wish i didn't have to attend fiber today because i could use the time. but i think i have to turn in my flower dye sample. gotta do what we have to do, right.

i need to get ADD tested. i can't believe i have been searching up different coffee grinders on amazon subconsciously and every time i try to return to a certain sentence in a reading, my eyes wander along the pages and i lose my stance. this happens often when people talk to me or i talk to people as well. i can't help it. or maybe i can. but most of the times, i cannot. i guess we only hyperfocus on subjects that really interest us. that's the truth, right. this tests how interested we are in something or a certain topic. well, i don't know. i'm all over the place right now. but not like in a devastating way. don't get me wrong, i am in no misery at all.


-jane

to be honest

the days just keep rolling by and i never really know what day it is. i need to get a new planner. my life needs lists and order. that's just my life, amidst all the chaos. everyone functions under a different light.

i can't believe but can believe it took me the whole weekend to finally put my six pages together for my analysis paper. it was a topic on photography. got me thinking real long, real good. but that was only one out of five papers.

no one said i was sleeping just yet. just wanna drink the entire carton of the new grapefruit juice i picked up from trader joe's today.

-jane

there are days when i just want to eat chips and salsa all day and watch the show Girls. but today, i'm going to conquer those late analysis papers for my aesthetics class and go in the dye lab to dye my silk samples for fiber.

inspired

"to see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel, that is the purpose of life."

(the secret life of walter mitty)

_______________________________

the movie makes me want to make my own clementine cake and travel to the himalayas. it also gives me courage to pursue cambodia and have backup plans this summer.

aside from walter mitty tonight, i also rewatched spectacular now. i'm kind of in love with shailene woodley.

i spent the last three hours tying and folding my silk samples with buttons, washers, and beads. i'm extremely exhausted, but after putting two movies on, i'm kind of inspired to continue working. quiet films never fail to help me think throughout the night.

i really want to eat my coffee ice cream right now though.

-jane