currently: cooking drumsticks in the oven at 185 degrees.

set for 35 minutes.

this morning/afternoon:

talked to roommate

ate two waffles with agave syrup/ maple sugar cinnamon oatmeal

two loads of laundry

thought about swimming

have been wearing swimsuit all morning

cleaned room

set two large bags aside for donation

one bag for selling/trading

prepared quinoa

drank tea/iced mocha soy coffee

now starting classicism paper

yesterday, i had yet another rough day. i got so irritated with simultaneously sewing and seam ripping my halter top that i got so furious and teary all at once for a split second. after, i stopped by the convenience store to grab a mrs.fields cookie-ice-cream-sandwich hoping to eat my worries away. that never really works for me. so i headed to the ceramics room to work on my project some more. after six more extra hours, i found myself walking back upstairs to the fiber room. by 10:00 pm, i just climbed on top of the table and laid flat on my back, dreading away my powerless sense of numbness to my surroundings and self in silence. there, i met vanessa. she was on the other table across from mine, sewing the fabric lining for her own graduation cap. she asked me, "what's wrong?" i told her all that i could in that sudden moment. she then provided me with the best and encouraging pep talk that i have not gotten in awhile. she ended with, "otherwise, jane, will die, and jane will die quickly. so your first step: engage."

 last night, i went home, cried, and cried some more. then i fell asleep. i woke up this morning and told myself i am not fucking going to school to work on ceramics or fibers today. i am giving myself a god damn break. i need to believe that i deserve it. i am not going to think that i am the underdog anymore. instead of letting people and myself make me feel small, i am going to look for people who make me feel larger.